Well I guess so...

Well I guess the doc thinks I got my period after all this. I had some bleeding on Thurs/Fri/Sat but I wouldn't say it was a lot by any means. And then Monday night through today even I've been having some dark brown bleeding so I guess that's it. Just after I tried to call them (they were closed for lunch) one of the nurses called me and after explaining everything to her and letting the doc know, they think that it was my period. She said I could go on birth control or just see what happens. I was kind of irritated because the nurse isn't the one I normally talk to and she kept going back and forth between me and the doc. I almost feel like I should have gone in again so she could check that there wasn't a ton of bleeding left and make sure it was ok. But I guess we are just going to wait and see what happens for now. No birth control yet. I know my cycles are longer now - I didn't ovulate this time until about 4 weeks. So we will just wait and see I guess. No word on if I am going to need help getting pregnant still or what - kind of why I wanted to go in adn see her. I want to see what happens with my next cycle and see if I get a period - if not I will be going back again to figure this out.

Ben is leaving this weekend so I am on my own. Kind of sad about it - I hate when he leaves. SO trying to figure out things to keep me and baby busy. Not sure if I will do anything tonight - maybe run to Kohls - need to find some pants for the baby since it has gotten frigid these last few days! Grab some dinner. Tomorrow I'm going to go shopping at the mall with some of my giftcards from my birthday. I think my mom is going to come over tomorrow night - and we have to go shopping for my goddaughters birthday party Sunday. And then Sunday is the birthday party. So hopefully it will be enough to keep me busy and my mind off of things!

Doc Appt Yesterday

So I started experiencing a fair amount of pain on Weds and I decided to make an appointment with the fertility doc because she said watch for lots of pain or severe bloating - both of which I was having. So I got an appointment yesterday morning. This may be TMI - so stop reading if you don't want to know. She did an ultrasound and she could see that I am actively bleeding right now but nothing is coming out. She decided to try to put a catheter up in my uterus to be sure that she could get in. With relatively little trouble, she was able to get in (compared to previous times she has had to). So that is the question, why can she get in and nothing is coming out. I have had some bleeding since, which I would say is more heavy than I would think would be related to the procedure she did yesterday but I'm going to watch it. She said within a week I need to call her and let her know what has happened. If I don't think I have had a full on period, then she is going to check me and she if she still sees bleeding, and if so, she will need to do a procedure to remove the blood because it will keep distending my uterus each month which as I'm sure you can guess is bad. If this does happen, then she will need to put me on constant birth control until if/when we are ready for more kids so that i don't continue to have period with it having no where to go. If/when we are ready for more kids, it will mostly likely have to be through artificial insemination and I will have to have a c-section when I'm due. This was a lot to take in yesterday and I just had a huge breakdown last night about it.

I'm not sure where to even start. I never thought this is the way things would end up. I thought it would get better, and I guess for all purposes I'm "ok" because I'm ovulating and my lining is getting thick and thin, but it's not ok for me to have a period because I can't get it out. TO know we will have to rely on medicine to get pregnant just sucks because it was so easy for us the first time. Plus we will have to PAY to even get pregnant. Are we even financially ready to do that - because I'm pretty sure it's not covered by insurance.

Then to find out that I will have to have a c-section doesn't make me happy either. I had such a complicated birth with Tricia and I didn't really get to hold her at first which devastated me and still does to this day. And it will be the same when I have another one? Is it bad that I want to tell everyone that no one gets to hold her until I get to when I get out of recovery - even if it means that it's a couple of hours? Then my husband told me last night that he doesn't want another one right now. I would gladly get pregnant this minute if it was up to me. He said maybe some time next year. I'm just so tired of all the problems. All the unexpected money that we have spent on trying to fix this. And most of it is because of the D&C I had to have back in August of last year from the retained product - they messed up during my surgery and created a "false path" that is creating this issue  they believe. It's just so much to take in right now. My husband has been great - but last night he gave me some hard truths that I was not ready for. But now we need to move on from here and figure out where we go.

Labor Day Weekend

Well this weekend was just ok I would say. It had it's ups and downs.

The huge down is the baby not sleeping at night. Well she is - but she's waking up crying at least 4-5 times a night. Mostly she just goes right back to sleep or she isn't even awake (we are thinking nightmares) but it still gets  us up. So this weekend was rough with that. Plus the weather getting colder we had to turn the heat on in the mornings.

On Sunday we went to my godmothers house in Austintown. We wanted to take the baby swimming but it rained off and on all day. We ate some good food (love my godmother's cooking - YUM!) and hung out for a few hours. Tricia started to get cranky though so left around 6 to go home. She passed out on the way home which was good but she woke up when we got home so it was a short nap.

On Monday we did get together with Ben's family and have a cookout at Goodyear Heights Park. It was a last minute decision for us to go - we weren't really sure what we were doing but we ended up going. There were about 12 of us there. It was a fun time and Tricia and her second cousin Johannah had a good time running around. Lots of room for them to run and play :) After that we went and bought a new TV for our bedroom. Best Buy had some good sales going on and we were going to get it anyways eventually so we just got it this weekend. It looks wonderful in our bedroom and I love it! Now we need to get the new furniture! That will come eventually - along with a bigger bed. We want to upgrade to king size. We have the room for it in our bedroom but we need the money first.

Other than that not much else has been going on. Lots of doctors visits regarding my no period issues. Hoping to see if I get one in the next week - if not back I go. I feel like I'm having symptoms right now - cramping and moodiness but nothing so far. This is what happened last time they had me on the birth control. I'm cycling normally though (although it took 4 weeks instead of 2 to ovulate) but we know there are eggs/follicles in there and we saw my lining get thick. The question is where is it going from here. Because I truly think this has happened before but something is happening from this point forward that is not allowing me to have my period. I don't know...but I'm frustrated over the whole thing. So now it's wait and see.

Ben also has an appointment this week with a cardiologist. Something may be wrong with his heart (heart rate is spiking high to around 200 but blood pressure is staying the same or going lower). Appointment was supposed to be yesterday but of course the office never wrote it down so now he gets to go in tomorrow.

Work still sucks. Still haven't gotten my promotion I was supposed to get back in January. May be time to look for a new job soon. We will see. I let them know they had to the end of the year. Not that I think it will make them do anything but at least they know where I stand on it. I really love the work I do and the people I work with but I'm not going to stay in a position where I have nothing to work for.

My birthday is on Sunday. Still not sure what I am doing. My sister called the other day and said she and her husband were going out on Sat night (her hubby has the same bday). I don't want to do that because then I would probably have to cook on my birthday and I don't want to do that. Unlike them - I can't afford to go out whenever I want because I have a house and the bills that go with it. They live with my parents and can spend their money how they want because they don't have bills like we do. So we probably wont be doing anything with them on Sunday but we will probably see them to give them their gifts. I'm not really all that excited about my birthday this year and I don't know why. I usually am.