Not happening

Don't want to get into details but even though I'm at peak ovulation according to my monitor yesterday and  today we won't be trying...so frustrated...

Updates

Just a few updates...
- Ben went for follow up on his heart. They did fix the part he was having an issue with but now from the few minutes they saw in the office - his upper chamber, which is where you heartbeat should start, isn't beating. Thy had him wear a monitor for 24 hours but the doctor hasnt called him back yet with the results. We don't even know what the fix for this will be. Kind of nervous at this point.
- Working on ttc still. Should be ovulating over the next few days so we will know after Christmas if those is our month. I know its only been 2 months but i really do wonder if we will have to go through infertility treatments. If we aren't pregnant by march i will probably start goin to the doc and talk about our options and see what's happening.
-Work has been ok just kind of crazy.

Bust

Well I think this cycle was a bust. Started spotting yesterday. This stinks. Oh well, I guess it's just the first cycle. I was just hoping with the investment in the fertility monitor and the BBT that it might happen. Part of me doesn't think it will happen naturally anyways because of my issues. We will see...on to next month though!

I'm so excited for Thanksgiving next week. I am only working Tues/Weds since I'm always off on Monday's. And then we are closed Thurs/Fri. I am going Black Friday shopping with my mom also so I'm super excited for that! I do have to go to Best Buy at midnight but then nothing else opens until 5 so I'm not sure if I will head back home and sleep a few hours or if I will just wait around for the others stores to open. Still trying to decide. We are doing Thanksgiving at Ben's mom's new house. This year the day Ben's dad passed falls on Thanksgiving so it's going to be a rough one :( The year he passed away it was actually on Thanksgiving too so we always have a rough time around now. I think the last two years it has made me even more upset because he isn't here to see our precious little girl who he would have just ADORED. I just know it. But I know he's watching over us and he sees her and how wonderful she is.

Work is kind of crazy right now, lots to get done with our year end stuff. I'm still hoping for my raise/promotion to go through come Feb. I REALLY hope it does. There is a staff accountant position open right now that I had been considering applying for but it would mean losing my 4-10 hr days which I don't think I'm ready to do just yet. And I wouldn't get overtime. It would be considered a promotion and I might get a slight pay increase form where I am at now but I think what I might be getting in Feb for my current position would be more. So I think I am going to stick out my current role for now. Plus I get to travel a bit during the year which is nice and I just would miss everyone I work with.

His ticker keeps on tickin'

So Ben had his heart surgery on Thursday. We got to our children's hospital at around 7:30 am and registered. Then we headed to the pre-surgery waiting area. Ben changed and we were only there around 15 mins and they took him back to start getting his stats. We saw the doc and the anesthesiologist then before I knew it they were sending me to the waiting room. Very different process from an adult hospital. I didn't know until Thurs morning that the surgery could be up to 8 hours. I was really surprised by that because no one had mentioned that sooner and his last one was about 3 hours and they said they said ti would only take 3-4 hours. To hear this one was going to be 8 hours was a shock. But good thing they prepared us because it ended up lasting 6 hours. There was about 2 hours that were kind of nerve wracking because they weren't sure that they were going to be able to get to the area that was causing the issue in his heart. Luckily they did finally get to it. We found out that he does have a hole in his heart which was one of the ways that they tried to get to the area but were unsuccessful. The hole is not a big deal and 10% of adults have them. We did find out though they had to change his EKG in order to get this SVT to stop. Not sure what that means - I'm assuming that means his heart beat pattern? Anyways they let us back in to recovery and he was really out of it from the anesthesia. He was really anxious and irritated though when I saw him even though he was really in and out. Then by the time we got upstairs he was pretty much out of it but he was still getting nauseous from the meds. So we did end up getting him so food around 7 pm and he did eat some of it. But then he started feeling nauseous again and also some tightness in his chest. His oxygen levels also were getting low (only around 86%) so they put him back on oxygen for the night. After that I did come home to the baby for the night. Then i went back the next morning and they took him for his final testing. We got to leave around 1 pm. Got home and got settled in and he has just been resting since! The tightness in his chest is back and I did call the doc and he thinks it's related to being in the anesthesia so long. So we are just keeping an eye on him!

As far as a update on our trying for #2 - we will see what happens. I did end up getting a peak reading 2 days in a row on the monitor and then high the next day. So shortly after Thanksgiving we should know something.... : ). I'm not counting on it this time around because it's only my second real cycle in 2 years and things may still be out of whack. More to come though!

Unexpected

So I have been doing my monitor every morning (well except for yesterday morning) but when I did mine this morning it came up as peak fertility? That was unexpected! Not sure what's going on with my cycles because my last two have been pretty long (42 days) and so I was planning on getting a positive until mid next week. So it's like 10 days early...so I will test again in the morning and make sure. I did see a slight increase in my temp but not crazy. And didn't really see much of a drop but I'm new to the whole temping thing so I don't know what's within range for me and whats not. We will see what happens! Time to jump my husband though I guess...;-)

Charting, Temping and Testing Oh My!

So now that I have gotten somewhat of an idea of my cycles I have decided to jump in full force and start temping and charting for our journey to TTC #2. I also purchased a digital fertility monitor to use off of a friend. Got a good deal compared to everything else I can find online. I didn't get it until after I started my cycle so it's a few days off but that's ok because I am running on 6 week cycles anyways. So today is actually CD14 but the monitor says cycle day 6 so this morning was my first day of POAS (according to the directions it will have me start testing at day 6). After using another one because I thought the first didn't work (turns out it was user error! :/) I got a low fertility reading. Figured as much.With a 6 week cycle I'm not due to ovulate for another 2 weeks so that's a lot of tests I will have to use this round but I should be able to time things better next cycle and hopefully not use as many tests. I am hoping that maybe it becomes smarter and doesn't have me test until later since my cycles are longer??? If not, I will just wait longer to restart the monitor - maybe not until CD 21. I am a bit overwhelmed by all of it but after 9 months of not being able to do anything about TTC I am all in to get it going as quick as possible. I hope we don't have a long road ahead. I think given our history the doc would be willing to jump strait to IUI but I want to avoid any expense associated with that if possible. So we will try a bit on our own and I probably won't consider that until Tricia turns 2. So here's to being very hopeful that things work out!

Still pretty nervous about Ben's surgery next week even though we have kind of been through it once already. He will have to stay overnight so that is a bit of a change. I may see if my sister and mom can take the baby next Friday night and keep her so we can get some rest. I'm sure Ben won't get much sleep while he is in the hospital so I know he will need it when he gets home.

So this is what it feels like

So this is what it feels like to get a period. Yes, I finally got my period for the first time in almost 2 years. On my own. No help from any doctor. It's been 6 weeks since my last one which was induced by my doctor pretty much. To say I was shocked yesterday when it happened is an understatement. I'm very happy to say the least. The only thing is that I don't think I can use tampons. Everytime I do my flow pretty much stops so I am just using pads to be safe but that would seriously suck if that is the case. I think I am going to call my doc on Monday to let her know.

Now I have mixed feelings on where we go from here. Do we start trying for #2 now? Do we wait? Ideally I would like to start trying now so we may just do that because it may be a bit more difficult than before. So just things to consider at this point. I know that we for sure want at least 1 more!

As far as Ben, they scheduled his second surgery. It will be Nov 10th and this one he will have to stay in the hospital overnight for. They want to monitor him for 12 hours after the surgery so he will probably go home the next morning if everything goes ok. I'm just hoping they fix it this time and he doesn't have to worry about anything anymore!

Tricia had her 15 month check up on Monday. She is weighing in at 22.5 lbs and she is 30 in long. I believe she is 67% for her weight and 30% for her length. I was surprised at the weight because she has always been on the low side for her weight. He said everything looks good with her. Although he did say that she looks like she has very sensitive skin (she has a rash around her mouth right now, not sure what it is or from) and so we need to just watch that especially going into winter.

So an update....

So a few things have been happening. Ben had his surgery for his heart. Unfortunately, nothing was accomplished. They got in and they do see the problem. He has two "wires". Most people only have one. The second one is not too big of a deal because they can usually treat it with heat while they are in there and kill the tissue. The problem is Ben's extra "wire" is so close to his first that they would risk giving him permanent damage in his first one and he would need a pacemaker for the rest of his life if they did do any damage. So they are referring us to a doctor at Children's Hospital. This doctor will use a freezing method to kill the tissue instead of heat. There is much less risk of permanent damage-if they start to freeze the first one, then they can just heat it back up and it will not have damage. So he has his first appointment next week with the doctor and from there they should just schedule the surgery since he has been through all the testing already.

As far as my health issues...Nothing yet. No period. No signs of anything. I think I may have ovulated on Monday night because I was feeling a pain that I'm pretty sure was it. So we will see what happens over the next week or so. Hopefully it starts up and everything is ok. I'm not so optimistic anymore. But time will tell so for now it's wait and see.

Work is still just ok. I won't know until Feb now if I am getting a raise though. Although everyday (including yesterday) more promotions are being posted at work and I am really struggling with how every other department can get theirs to go through but mine won't. It's making me very disheartened and giving me honestly no motivation to continue doing what I am. We will see what happens in Feb. They have "committed" to making sure I get something then. But if not, I will be in search of other opportunities.

Baby Tricia is doing great. She is babbling SOOO much now. She is constantly talking gibberish and makes us laugh all the time. She does say "dog", "woof", "dad", "mom" and a few other things. It's really cute and she just makes my heart melt. She is a running fool! She just takes off all the time. She is into EVERYTHING though and my house is constantly a disaster but I'm ok with it because it's her :)

Well I guess so...

Well I guess the doc thinks I got my period after all this. I had some bleeding on Thurs/Fri/Sat but I wouldn't say it was a lot by any means. And then Monday night through today even I've been having some dark brown bleeding so I guess that's it. Just after I tried to call them (they were closed for lunch) one of the nurses called me and after explaining everything to her and letting the doc know, they think that it was my period. She said I could go on birth control or just see what happens. I was kind of irritated because the nurse isn't the one I normally talk to and she kept going back and forth between me and the doc. I almost feel like I should have gone in again so she could check that there wasn't a ton of bleeding left and make sure it was ok. But I guess we are just going to wait and see what happens for now. No birth control yet. I know my cycles are longer now - I didn't ovulate this time until about 4 weeks. So we will just wait and see I guess. No word on if I am going to need help getting pregnant still or what - kind of why I wanted to go in adn see her. I want to see what happens with my next cycle and see if I get a period - if not I will be going back again to figure this out.

Ben is leaving this weekend so I am on my own. Kind of sad about it - I hate when he leaves. SO trying to figure out things to keep me and baby busy. Not sure if I will do anything tonight - maybe run to Kohls - need to find some pants for the baby since it has gotten frigid these last few days! Grab some dinner. Tomorrow I'm going to go shopping at the mall with some of my giftcards from my birthday. I think my mom is going to come over tomorrow night - and we have to go shopping for my goddaughters birthday party Sunday. And then Sunday is the birthday party. So hopefully it will be enough to keep me busy and my mind off of things!

Doc Appt Yesterday

So I started experiencing a fair amount of pain on Weds and I decided to make an appointment with the fertility doc because she said watch for lots of pain or severe bloating - both of which I was having. So I got an appointment yesterday morning. This may be TMI - so stop reading if you don't want to know. She did an ultrasound and she could see that I am actively bleeding right now but nothing is coming out. She decided to try to put a catheter up in my uterus to be sure that she could get in. With relatively little trouble, she was able to get in (compared to previous times she has had to). So that is the question, why can she get in and nothing is coming out. I have had some bleeding since, which I would say is more heavy than I would think would be related to the procedure she did yesterday but I'm going to watch it. She said within a week I need to call her and let her know what has happened. If I don't think I have had a full on period, then she is going to check me and she if she still sees bleeding, and if so, she will need to do a procedure to remove the blood because it will keep distending my uterus each month which as I'm sure you can guess is bad. If this does happen, then she will need to put me on constant birth control until if/when we are ready for more kids so that i don't continue to have period with it having no where to go. If/when we are ready for more kids, it will mostly likely have to be through artificial insemination and I will have to have a c-section when I'm due. This was a lot to take in yesterday and I just had a huge breakdown last night about it.

I'm not sure where to even start. I never thought this is the way things would end up. I thought it would get better, and I guess for all purposes I'm "ok" because I'm ovulating and my lining is getting thick and thin, but it's not ok for me to have a period because I can't get it out. TO know we will have to rely on medicine to get pregnant just sucks because it was so easy for us the first time. Plus we will have to PAY to even get pregnant. Are we even financially ready to do that - because I'm pretty sure it's not covered by insurance.

Then to find out that I will have to have a c-section doesn't make me happy either. I had such a complicated birth with Tricia and I didn't really get to hold her at first which devastated me and still does to this day. And it will be the same when I have another one? Is it bad that I want to tell everyone that no one gets to hold her until I get to when I get out of recovery - even if it means that it's a couple of hours? Then my husband told me last night that he doesn't want another one right now. I would gladly get pregnant this minute if it was up to me. He said maybe some time next year. I'm just so tired of all the problems. All the unexpected money that we have spent on trying to fix this. And most of it is because of the D&C I had to have back in August of last year from the retained product - they messed up during my surgery and created a "false path" that is creating this issue  they believe. It's just so much to take in right now. My husband has been great - but last night he gave me some hard truths that I was not ready for. But now we need to move on from here and figure out where we go.

Labor Day Weekend

Well this weekend was just ok I would say. It had it's ups and downs.

The huge down is the baby not sleeping at night. Well she is - but she's waking up crying at least 4-5 times a night. Mostly she just goes right back to sleep or she isn't even awake (we are thinking nightmares) but it still gets  us up. So this weekend was rough with that. Plus the weather getting colder we had to turn the heat on in the mornings.

On Sunday we went to my godmothers house in Austintown. We wanted to take the baby swimming but it rained off and on all day. We ate some good food (love my godmother's cooking - YUM!) and hung out for a few hours. Tricia started to get cranky though so left around 6 to go home. She passed out on the way home which was good but she woke up when we got home so it was a short nap.

On Monday we did get together with Ben's family and have a cookout at Goodyear Heights Park. It was a last minute decision for us to go - we weren't really sure what we were doing but we ended up going. There were about 12 of us there. It was a fun time and Tricia and her second cousin Johannah had a good time running around. Lots of room for them to run and play :) After that we went and bought a new TV for our bedroom. Best Buy had some good sales going on and we were going to get it anyways eventually so we just got it this weekend. It looks wonderful in our bedroom and I love it! Now we need to get the new furniture! That will come eventually - along with a bigger bed. We want to upgrade to king size. We have the room for it in our bedroom but we need the money first.

Other than that not much else has been going on. Lots of doctors visits regarding my no period issues. Hoping to see if I get one in the next week - if not back I go. I feel like I'm having symptoms right now - cramping and moodiness but nothing so far. This is what happened last time they had me on the birth control. I'm cycling normally though (although it took 4 weeks instead of 2 to ovulate) but we know there are eggs/follicles in there and we saw my lining get thick. The question is where is it going from here. Because I truly think this has happened before but something is happening from this point forward that is not allowing me to have my period. I don't know...but I'm frustrated over the whole thing. So now it's wait and see.

Ben also has an appointment this week with a cardiologist. Something may be wrong with his heart (heart rate is spiking high to around 200 but blood pressure is staying the same or going lower). Appointment was supposed to be yesterday but of course the office never wrote it down so now he gets to go in tomorrow.

Work still sucks. Still haven't gotten my promotion I was supposed to get back in January. May be time to look for a new job soon. We will see. I let them know they had to the end of the year. Not that I think it will make them do anything but at least they know where I stand on it. I really love the work I do and the people I work with but I'm not going to stay in a position where I have nothing to work for.

My birthday is on Sunday. Still not sure what I am doing. My sister called the other day and said she and her husband were going out on Sat night (her hubby has the same bday). I don't want to do that because then I would probably have to cook on my birthday and I don't want to do that. Unlike them - I can't afford to go out whenever I want because I have a house and the bills that go with it. They live with my parents and can spend their money how they want because they don't have bills like we do. So we probably wont be doing anything with them on Sunday but we will probably see them to give them their gifts. I'm not really all that excited about my birthday this year and I don't know why. I usually am.

Vacation!

So today is my last day at work until Aug 17th because we leave Tues for vaca (kinda). On Weds/Thurs I have to work but the rest will pretty much be vacation :) This will be the baby's first plane ride which has me nervous. I'm hoping she doesn't scream and cry and make us the parents with "that" kid! So we are currently downloading everything we can on to our phones and ipad and nook to make her happy and entertained. We will be in Vegas on Tues-Thurs and then Fri morning we will leave to go to Chandler, AZ to see some of Ben's family. I'm pretty excited to see them - we haven't been out there since our honeymoon in 2008 so it will be good to see them again! Just nervous about how the baby will adjust to the time change.

It will be my first time in Vegas so I can't wait to see it. We are staying at the Cosmopolitan and my parents are staying at Harrahs. Ben does have to work also while we are out there but that's ok. We will still make the best of it. And I'm hoping that we have some time to do some fun stuff in Vegas still. Me and Ben are planning to take one night to ourselves and do a dinner.

Also, my mom's birthday is on Tuesday so we are going to have to find a way to celebrate that while we are there! :)

Just an update on my issues real quick - had another appt yesterday. She checked and she saw follicles growing which is kind of good. We will see what happens from here. I'm hoping that nothing really happens and that I'm not ovulating because that's the best scenario. If I am ovulating then we may have a problem. So I had blood work and the ultrasound yesterday and I will have another the day after we get back from vacation.

Baby Birthday & More

Well our little girl is officially 1. We had a wonderful time at her party. It turned out to be a pretty good day. Lots of family and friends came to visit! We were so glad for those that could be there for her special day. I just would love to know where the time went!

Work has been kind of eh for me lately. I've been extremely busy and there's been some issues with one of my co-workers. It has been a sticky situation and I just want things to go back to the way they used to be. But I have a feeling that won't be happening.

As far as my health issues, still no progress really. Had another doc appt this past Thursday and they did another water ultrasound.It was tricky but they were able to get in and do it. They said everything looks ok except for the "false path" that was created from my D&C back in August of last year. They think something to do with that may actually be stopping me from having my periods. They are going to watch me over the next week (I have another appt on Thurs) and see if I am ovulating at least. We will see what happens. Part of me hopes for some reason I didn't because they could always stimulate that but if I am ovulating but not having my period than they are not sure what is going on. Uggh such a mess. Over a year and no closer than I was a year ago to being back to normal. And the worst part is that the doc mentioned IUI if I was ovulating but not having the period (possibly from that false path) and when I brought it up to Ben, he said he didn't want another one right now. Crushed me. I really thought that was why we were going through all this right now was to have another one. And he thinks I'm not ready for another baby. But I know that I am. I always wanted my children close in age as well. And I would have loved to get pregnant this fall and then all of my maternity stuff would have been for the right seasons. I know that's not just it but I really just wanted another baby. I'm just so confused and hurt and angry and wondering why me? But then again I look at my perfect daughter and I know I have everything but I guess I'm being selfish....agghhh so hard to explain....

Wow....

Wow...I just can't believe my baby girl will be 1 tomorrow. I'm not sure where the time has gone. She has changed so much in this last year. She is such a great baby and I am so glad to have her!! She is truly my world and I don't know what I would do without her.

She has been a bit cranky the last few days. Not sure if it's her tummy bothering her from some new foods or if it's the two bottom teeth she is getting. That's right - finally she is getting her two bottom teeth in! So like I said, a bit  cranky but still my wonderful little girl! I hope she gets over it by Sat for her party or at least they keep her distracted enough so she doesn't get cranky.

Like I said her party is on Saturday and we are getting excited! I took off tomorrow for her birthday and to get ready for the party. We are taking her for her 1 year pics tomorrow at 2 and then mostly just finishing up cleaning and stuff for her party. I think my mom is taking a half day tomorrow just so we can get whatever finishing things done we need to get done.

I have been having breakdowns since last week though about her being one. Considering this could realistically be our only child I just want time to slow down so I can enjoy it more. And I wish I hadn't been so sick after I had her and the two surgeries so I could have enjoyed her that small. It seems like yesterday and forever ago at the same time. But I know she has to grow up so I'm just trying to enjoy every minute of it.

This will probably be my last post until after the party!!

HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY TO MY BABY GIRL! MOMMA LOVES YOU MORE THAN WORDS COULD EVER SAY!