So this is what it feels like

So this is what it feels like to get a period. Yes, I finally got my period for the first time in almost 2 years. On my own. No help from any doctor. It's been 6 weeks since my last one which was induced by my doctor pretty much. To say I was shocked yesterday when it happened is an understatement. I'm very happy to say the least. The only thing is that I don't think I can use tampons. Everytime I do my flow pretty much stops so I am just using pads to be safe but that would seriously suck if that is the case. I think I am going to call my doc on Monday to let her know.

Now I have mixed feelings on where we go from here. Do we start trying for #2 now? Do we wait? Ideally I would like to start trying now so we may just do that because it may be a bit more difficult than before. So just things to consider at this point. I know that we for sure want at least 1 more!

As far as Ben, they scheduled his second surgery. It will be Nov 10th and this one he will have to stay in the hospital overnight for. They want to monitor him for 12 hours after the surgery so he will probably go home the next morning if everything goes ok. I'm just hoping they fix it this time and he doesn't have to worry about anything anymore!

Tricia had her 15 month check up on Monday. She is weighing in at 22.5 lbs and she is 30 in long. I believe she is 67% for her weight and 30% for her length. I was surprised at the weight because she has always been on the low side for her weight. He said everything looks good with her. Although he did say that she looks like she has very sensitive skin (she has a rash around her mouth right now, not sure what it is or from) and so we need to just watch that especially going into winter.

So an update....

So a few things have been happening. Ben had his surgery for his heart. Unfortunately, nothing was accomplished. They got in and they do see the problem. He has two "wires". Most people only have one. The second one is not too big of a deal because they can usually treat it with heat while they are in there and kill the tissue. The problem is Ben's extra "wire" is so close to his first that they would risk giving him permanent damage in his first one and he would need a pacemaker for the rest of his life if they did do any damage. So they are referring us to a doctor at Children's Hospital. This doctor will use a freezing method to kill the tissue instead of heat. There is much less risk of permanent damage-if they start to freeze the first one, then they can just heat it back up and it will not have damage. So he has his first appointment next week with the doctor and from there they should just schedule the surgery since he has been through all the testing already.

As far as my health issues...Nothing yet. No period. No signs of anything. I think I may have ovulated on Monday night because I was feeling a pain that I'm pretty sure was it. So we will see what happens over the next week or so. Hopefully it starts up and everything is ok. I'm not so optimistic anymore. But time will tell so for now it's wait and see.

Work is still just ok. I won't know until Feb now if I am getting a raise though. Although everyday (including yesterday) more promotions are being posted at work and I am really struggling with how every other department can get theirs to go through but mine won't. It's making me very disheartened and giving me honestly no motivation to continue doing what I am. We will see what happens in Feb. They have "committed" to making sure I get something then. But if not, I will be in search of other opportunities.

Baby Tricia is doing great. She is babbling SOOO much now. She is constantly talking gibberish and makes us laugh all the time. She does say "dog", "woof", "dad", "mom" and a few other things. It's really cute and she just makes my heart melt. She is a running fool! She just takes off all the time. She is into EVERYTHING though and my house is constantly a disaster but I'm ok with it because it's her :)

Well I guess so...

Well I guess the doc thinks I got my period after all this. I had some bleeding on Thurs/Fri/Sat but I wouldn't say it was a lot by any means. And then Monday night through today even I've been having some dark brown bleeding so I guess that's it. Just after I tried to call them (they were closed for lunch) one of the nurses called me and after explaining everything to her and letting the doc know, they think that it was my period. She said I could go on birth control or just see what happens. I was kind of irritated because the nurse isn't the one I normally talk to and she kept going back and forth between me and the doc. I almost feel like I should have gone in again so she could check that there wasn't a ton of bleeding left and make sure it was ok. But I guess we are just going to wait and see what happens for now. No birth control yet. I know my cycles are longer now - I didn't ovulate this time until about 4 weeks. So we will just wait and see I guess. No word on if I am going to need help getting pregnant still or what - kind of why I wanted to go in adn see her. I want to see what happens with my next cycle and see if I get a period - if not I will be going back again to figure this out.

Ben is leaving this weekend so I am on my own. Kind of sad about it - I hate when he leaves. SO trying to figure out things to keep me and baby busy. Not sure if I will do anything tonight - maybe run to Kohls - need to find some pants for the baby since it has gotten frigid these last few days! Grab some dinner. Tomorrow I'm going to go shopping at the mall with some of my giftcards from my birthday. I think my mom is going to come over tomorrow night - and we have to go shopping for my goddaughters birthday party Sunday. And then Sunday is the birthday party. So hopefully it will be enough to keep me busy and my mind off of things!

Doc Appt Yesterday

So I started experiencing a fair amount of pain on Weds and I decided to make an appointment with the fertility doc because she said watch for lots of pain or severe bloating - both of which I was having. So I got an appointment yesterday morning. This may be TMI - so stop reading if you don't want to know. She did an ultrasound and she could see that I am actively bleeding right now but nothing is coming out. She decided to try to put a catheter up in my uterus to be sure that she could get in. With relatively little trouble, she was able to get in (compared to previous times she has had to). So that is the question, why can she get in and nothing is coming out. I have had some bleeding since, which I would say is more heavy than I would think would be related to the procedure she did yesterday but I'm going to watch it. She said within a week I need to call her and let her know what has happened. If I don't think I have had a full on period, then she is going to check me and she if she still sees bleeding, and if so, she will need to do a procedure to remove the blood because it will keep distending my uterus each month which as I'm sure you can guess is bad. If this does happen, then she will need to put me on constant birth control until if/when we are ready for more kids so that i don't continue to have period with it having no where to go. If/when we are ready for more kids, it will mostly likely have to be through artificial insemination and I will have to have a c-section when I'm due. This was a lot to take in yesterday and I just had a huge breakdown last night about it.

I'm not sure where to even start. I never thought this is the way things would end up. I thought it would get better, and I guess for all purposes I'm "ok" because I'm ovulating and my lining is getting thick and thin, but it's not ok for me to have a period because I can't get it out. TO know we will have to rely on medicine to get pregnant just sucks because it was so easy for us the first time. Plus we will have to PAY to even get pregnant. Are we even financially ready to do that - because I'm pretty sure it's not covered by insurance.

Then to find out that I will have to have a c-section doesn't make me happy either. I had such a complicated birth with Tricia and I didn't really get to hold her at first which devastated me and still does to this day. And it will be the same when I have another one? Is it bad that I want to tell everyone that no one gets to hold her until I get to when I get out of recovery - even if it means that it's a couple of hours? Then my husband told me last night that he doesn't want another one right now. I would gladly get pregnant this minute if it was up to me. He said maybe some time next year. I'm just so tired of all the problems. All the unexpected money that we have spent on trying to fix this. And most of it is because of the D&C I had to have back in August of last year from the retained product - they messed up during my surgery and created a "false path" that is creating this issue  they believe. It's just so much to take in right now. My husband has been great - but last night he gave me some hard truths that I was not ready for. But now we need to move on from here and figure out where we go.

Labor Day Weekend

Well this weekend was just ok I would say. It had it's ups and downs.

The huge down is the baby not sleeping at night. Well she is - but she's waking up crying at least 4-5 times a night. Mostly she just goes right back to sleep or she isn't even awake (we are thinking nightmares) but it still gets  us up. So this weekend was rough with that. Plus the weather getting colder we had to turn the heat on in the mornings.

On Sunday we went to my godmothers house in Austintown. We wanted to take the baby swimming but it rained off and on all day. We ate some good food (love my godmother's cooking - YUM!) and hung out for a few hours. Tricia started to get cranky though so left around 6 to go home. She passed out on the way home which was good but she woke up when we got home so it was a short nap.

On Monday we did get together with Ben's family and have a cookout at Goodyear Heights Park. It was a last minute decision for us to go - we weren't really sure what we were doing but we ended up going. There were about 12 of us there. It was a fun time and Tricia and her second cousin Johannah had a good time running around. Lots of room for them to run and play :) After that we went and bought a new TV for our bedroom. Best Buy had some good sales going on and we were going to get it anyways eventually so we just got it this weekend. It looks wonderful in our bedroom and I love it! Now we need to get the new furniture! That will come eventually - along with a bigger bed. We want to upgrade to king size. We have the room for it in our bedroom but we need the money first.

Other than that not much else has been going on. Lots of doctors visits regarding my no period issues. Hoping to see if I get one in the next week - if not back I go. I feel like I'm having symptoms right now - cramping and moodiness but nothing so far. This is what happened last time they had me on the birth control. I'm cycling normally though (although it took 4 weeks instead of 2 to ovulate) but we know there are eggs/follicles in there and we saw my lining get thick. The question is where is it going from here. Because I truly think this has happened before but something is happening from this point forward that is not allowing me to have my period. I don't know...but I'm frustrated over the whole thing. So now it's wait and see.

Ben also has an appointment this week with a cardiologist. Something may be wrong with his heart (heart rate is spiking high to around 200 but blood pressure is staying the same or going lower). Appointment was supposed to be yesterday but of course the office never wrote it down so now he gets to go in tomorrow.

Work still sucks. Still haven't gotten my promotion I was supposed to get back in January. May be time to look for a new job soon. We will see. I let them know they had to the end of the year. Not that I think it will make them do anything but at least they know where I stand on it. I really love the work I do and the people I work with but I'm not going to stay in a position where I have nothing to work for.

My birthday is on Sunday. Still not sure what I am doing. My sister called the other day and said she and her husband were going out on Sat night (her hubby has the same bday). I don't want to do that because then I would probably have to cook on my birthday and I don't want to do that. Unlike them - I can't afford to go out whenever I want because I have a house and the bills that go with it. They live with my parents and can spend their money how they want because they don't have bills like we do. So we probably wont be doing anything with them on Sunday but we will probably see them to give them their gifts. I'm not really all that excited about my birthday this year and I don't know why. I usually am.

Vacation!

So today is my last day at work until Aug 17th because we leave Tues for vaca (kinda). On Weds/Thurs I have to work but the rest will pretty much be vacation :) This will be the baby's first plane ride which has me nervous. I'm hoping she doesn't scream and cry and make us the parents with "that" kid! So we are currently downloading everything we can on to our phones and ipad and nook to make her happy and entertained. We will be in Vegas on Tues-Thurs and then Fri morning we will leave to go to Chandler, AZ to see some of Ben's family. I'm pretty excited to see them - we haven't been out there since our honeymoon in 2008 so it will be good to see them again! Just nervous about how the baby will adjust to the time change.

It will be my first time in Vegas so I can't wait to see it. We are staying at the Cosmopolitan and my parents are staying at Harrahs. Ben does have to work also while we are out there but that's ok. We will still make the best of it. And I'm hoping that we have some time to do some fun stuff in Vegas still. Me and Ben are planning to take one night to ourselves and do a dinner.

Also, my mom's birthday is on Tuesday so we are going to have to find a way to celebrate that while we are there! :)

Just an update on my issues real quick - had another appt yesterday. She checked and she saw follicles growing which is kind of good. We will see what happens from here. I'm hoping that nothing really happens and that I'm not ovulating because that's the best scenario. If I am ovulating then we may have a problem. So I had blood work and the ultrasound yesterday and I will have another the day after we get back from vacation.

Baby Birthday & More

Well our little girl is officially 1. We had a wonderful time at her party. It turned out to be a pretty good day. Lots of family and friends came to visit! We were so glad for those that could be there for her special day. I just would love to know where the time went!

Work has been kind of eh for me lately. I've been extremely busy and there's been some issues with one of my co-workers. It has been a sticky situation and I just want things to go back to the way they used to be. But I have a feeling that won't be happening.

As far as my health issues, still no progress really. Had another doc appt this past Thursday and they did another water ultrasound.It was tricky but they were able to get in and do it. They said everything looks ok except for the "false path" that was created from my D&C back in August of last year. They think something to do with that may actually be stopping me from having my periods. They are going to watch me over the next week (I have another appt on Thurs) and see if I am ovulating at least. We will see what happens. Part of me hopes for some reason I didn't because they could always stimulate that but if I am ovulating but not having my period than they are not sure what is going on. Uggh such a mess. Over a year and no closer than I was a year ago to being back to normal. And the worst part is that the doc mentioned IUI if I was ovulating but not having the period (possibly from that false path) and when I brought it up to Ben, he said he didn't want another one right now. Crushed me. I really thought that was why we were going through all this right now was to have another one. And he thinks I'm not ready for another baby. But I know that I am. I always wanted my children close in age as well. And I would have loved to get pregnant this fall and then all of my maternity stuff would have been for the right seasons. I know that's not just it but I really just wanted another baby. I'm just so confused and hurt and angry and wondering why me? But then again I look at my perfect daughter and I know I have everything but I guess I'm being selfish....agghhh so hard to explain....

Wow....

Wow...I just can't believe my baby girl will be 1 tomorrow. I'm not sure where the time has gone. She has changed so much in this last year. She is such a great baby and I am so glad to have her!! She is truly my world and I don't know what I would do without her.

She has been a bit cranky the last few days. Not sure if it's her tummy bothering her from some new foods or if it's the two bottom teeth she is getting. That's right - finally she is getting her two bottom teeth in! So like I said, a bit  cranky but still my wonderful little girl! I hope she gets over it by Sat for her party or at least they keep her distracted enough so she doesn't get cranky.

Like I said her party is on Saturday and we are getting excited! I took off tomorrow for her birthday and to get ready for the party. We are taking her for her 1 year pics tomorrow at 2 and then mostly just finishing up cleaning and stuff for her party. I think my mom is taking a half day tomorrow just so we can get whatever finishing things done we need to get done.

I have been having breakdowns since last week though about her being one. Considering this could realistically be our only child I just want time to slow down so I can enjoy it more. And I wish I hadn't been so sick after I had her and the two surgeries so I could have enjoyed her that small. It seems like yesterday and forever ago at the same time. But I know she has to grow up so I'm just trying to enjoy every minute of it.

This will probably be my last post until after the party!!

HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY TO MY BABY GIRL! MOMMA LOVES YOU MORE THAN WORDS COULD EVER SAY!

Happy Father's Day!

Happy Father's Day to my daddy and my wonderful husband and my stepdad! And also to all the other dads out there :)


Just a quick update on me - my period has not come yet. I'm beyond stressed and upset - so much so that I have broken out in hives on my face. :( I had the symptoms on Tues/Weds and thought it was going to come but it never did. Which has me extremely concerned. I'm wondering if the scar tissue came back. I'm dreading having to call the doc on Tues to tell her. Going to have to go back in and find out what's going. This was not how I imagined this going. I thought the surgery working would be the end of all of this. I guess that's just not my luck. I'm so upset right now. I just don't know what to think....

Updates

Well just a few things since ym last post - I really do need to get on here more often!

I had my follow up appointment from the surgery. Didn't go as well as planned - she wasn't as optimistic as I thought she would be considering the surgery worked and went as well as it did. She presribed me some progesterone pills to take for last week of my estadiol pills. She said I am to take the last two pills together and stop them both on the same day. That should trigger my period within the next 10 days. So yesterday was the last day of pills. Hoping and praying the next 10 days that my period starts. I'm nervous and scared. If it doesn't work, that means something is still wrong. If it does work then I have to call anyways and find out what the next steps are. Not sure what else there could be. But I am super anxious to start trying for number 2. Fairly certain it won't be as easy as number 1 was.

Baby girl is now 11 months! Gosh where did the last year go? Between my health problems and work and everything else I just can't believe in less than a month she will be a year. I really need to get her party invites in the mail and start making serious plans and buying things for the party. So this week that is my plan! I have started the video montage for us to play on the TV as a loop throughout the party.

I haven't heard anything really from my insurance company regarding the accident. And I haven't heard from his either. I really thought things would move quicker considering nothing was contested. I did get a letter in the mail yesterday stating that my insurance company was going after his now for the money that was owed. I might call them tomorrow and find out how long this could be. The letter said up to a year but I highly doubt that considering there was no contention on what happened. We will see. Another thing to stress about since we had plans for any money we received and now all those plans are basically on hold (like painting our house which we wanted done before Grace's first birthday).

Work is going ok - stressed about some things there like the fact that I still haven't gotten my raise. I am due it and I'm tired of waiting. Thinking of pursuing other jobs but we will see.

Beautiful weekend ahead!

Well a quick update on me - I'm doing good. Still recovering from the surgery but feeling well! I have a follow up appointment next Fri so I will probably know more details of the surgery and information after that. I'm just so happy now that everything is ok. This has been such a big burden on me lately that I have not been myself.

Tomorrow and Saturday are supposed to be beautiful. I'm thinking about taking 1/2 day from work tomorrow just so I can enjoy it and spend some time with the baby before I leave. We have a bunch of stuff we need to do in the yard that I want to get started on this weekend with it being nice. So we will probably be mulching and weeding and trimming all weekend. But I will love being outside again without all this rain we have had!

I am going to Nashville for work on Sunday morning and I come home Weds afternoon around 1:30. It should be a good trip. I was in Nashville last year for work and it was under water so it will be nice to be able ot actually see some of Nashville. I get in early on Sunday and there is nothing until Sunday night for the show so I am going to do some sight seeing most of the afternoon I think. Can't wait!

Baby girl is doing so good! She has now learned how to wave hi back to people (just started that yesterday). About 2 weeks ago she said her first real word - dada. She also says hi sometimes too now. It's just adorable. I'm so in love with her cuteness it's not even funny. I can't believe that in 2 short months she will be 1! Once I get back from my trip it's time to start planning her party! We are just going to do something at the house with family and friends. A cookout probably - hopefully it's nice. We are going to get the house in order just in case it's not so people can be upstairs or downstairs if it's not nice out. I think it will be a pink and black theme because what princess doesn't love pink and black!

Update from Surgery

So my surgery was yesterday. What a crazy day! My mom showed up a few mins late so we were hightailing it to the wurgery center. On my way there I got a call from my doc office that I was supposed to be there for the pre-op consult. I had no idea about it though! Thank goodness it was in the same building so I ran up there first real quick to have the consult. I pretty much knew what was going on already so they just had me sign the form and I did talk to the doc real quick. I went back down to the first floor and checked in for my surgery. They came out and got me and took me back. Had me change and do my IV.Then Ben came back and sat with me until they took me in to surgery. I was back in the surgery room for about 15 mins before they put me out. When I woke up I was in the post surgery area. I vaguely remember someone telling me that everything was ok. But at the time I had no idea what that meant. I tend to be pretty emotional when I wake up out of anesthesia. Then I could have swore I heard them saying something about me coming back for laproscopy and something else. So I was a wreck. They were trying to reach Ben, come to find out he had came home. I gave them his number and they finally called him and he headed on his way back up. Then my doctor came in and she told me that everything went great! They must have been talkin about someone else when I overheard them earlier!! They removed the debris (which wasn't scar tissue - it was ) and there was one 'bump' up farther in my uterus they removed as well but everything is fine. I could not be more relieved. I started bawling when she told me she was able to get everything out. I guess it took about 50 mins for the surgery. When I came out I was tacacardic which is why they told Ben I would be in recovery. I can honestly say things could not have gone any better!!! I'm so happy right now. I have to be on estrogen pills for the next month just to help my uterus heal but then we should be fine.:) I'm thrilled right now. I'm not feeling too bad today. I still hurt a bit and some cramps and my had hurts where my IV was but not feelin to bad.

Today is kind of a sad day for me though...I was supposed to be in a wedding today with some friends we had a following out with :( It makes me sad to not be there and see it.

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to all you mother's out there!

My first Mother's Day this year was just wonderful. Baby slept through the night last night and slept until 7:30 :)  Then we got up and hubby gave me his present from him and the baby. They got me a Nook Color. I'm so excited - I love it! I used my mom's on a trip last week for work to Florida and I was in love. She just had the regular one - hubby decided to go with the color one because it is better rated.

Then we went to lunch at 2 pm with my parents, his mom and her b/f and us at Piatto Novo at the Sheraton Suites in Cuyahoga Falls. It was a brunch and it was REALLY good. Baby was starting to get a bit tired though so she was a bit fussy and very hungry for some reason. Ben's mom got me a tank, a willow tree figurine, and a gift card to coldstone yummmm. After we left there we stopped at Best Buy and picked up a B&N gift card for me to use with my Nook (he got at $25 gift card with the purchase of the Nook to Best Buy so I used it to get the B&N gift card). Finally it was off to home and I laid down for a nap for a bit. It was nice and relaxing and baby slept the whole time too. I think hubby even took a nap! So all in all a wonderful first Mother's Day!

I also want to say a special Happy 10 month birthday to my little girl! I love her so much. I can't believe she will be 1 in 2 months...I'm already a wreck thinking about it!

I also am having surgery on Friday :( I'm so nervous and not ready at all for the outcome. I keep praying that everything goes ok but I'm just not sure. I have been really struggling with it recently and while no one really knows about what's going on except a few close people I'm sure it shows that something isn't right. I've just had too much on my mind. It's hard to think at 25 I won't be able to have more children - it's devastating to me. I wanted at least 1 maybe 2 more. Although Ben joked with me the other day that he would pay a million dollars to keep me happy if we have to pursue some other options. We will see. I'm holding out hope that this surgery will work and the doctors will be able to do what they need to. I've been praying a lot about it and just hoping that God will give me a miracle here.

I went to Orlando last week for my first tradeshow of the year and it was also my first time away from the baby. That was sooo hard but I was sooo glad when I came back home. I leave again on May 22nd to go to Nashville for another show. Then I don't think I travel again until August to Las Vegas for another one. So work has been pretty busy and crazy but it's at least keeping me preoccupied from *other* things on my mind. And I love being out with my field sellers and seeing them.

Baby has a doctors appt tomorrow - she has a diaper rash that we just haven't been able to get rid of! Hoping the doctor can find something to fix her right up tomorrow! I'm also in my last week of physical therapy from my accident. I'm doing much better, but I"m still having pains here and there. I'm glad I finally got my car back this past Weds after over 6 weeks of not having it. I still have to take it back though because they put some one else's wiper arms/blades on our car. I stopped there Sat but the guy we were dealin with wasn't there and no one else knew anything about it?? I was so mad - how could you not tell someone about that considering they told us to stop in anytime and they would fix it. Plus something is wrong with the balance on the tires. Once you get up to 60 or so on the highway it gets loud in the car and there is a vibration through the whole thing. It sucks!

Well I think thats all for now with the updates. I am going to really try to update more often so it doesn't get to be so much to update on!

9 mo Well Baby

Ahh where does the time go!? My little princess is 9 months old (back on April 8th that is) and she had her 9 mo visit to the doc on Monday. She weighs 18 lbs and 3 oz (34%) and is 27 3/4 in long (51%). She is just too cute for her own good

• She is crawling like crazy and she is FAST
• She loves to pull herself up on anything and everything!
• She loves to play with her toys
• She still sleeps with her mobile on at night and she is still using her binkie
• She is on stage 3 foods now - just started those about 2 weeks ago
• She likes yogurt melts from gerber. We have also tried puffs but she doesn't let them dissolve long enough so she ends up swallowing them and it's a bit hard for her
• She still loves the puppy and kitty
• She opens her mouth to give you kisses (she has been doing this for a while now)

I think that's about all. She is just our world and I couldn't love her any more!

Things have been crazy other wise. Ben is working hard at his new job. I've been busy at work also! I'm traveling a lot in May (1st and last week) and then I have surgery May 13th for my other problems I am having. I'm just praying this works. I really want to have more children and this would be pretty devastating if it didn't work. :( So I just keep on praying!!

We are having Easter dinner at our house on Sunday and I'm excited to have everyone over. My parents are coming, my sister and brother in law and possibly his son, Ben's mom and her boyfriend and  then Ben's grandpa probably as well. I'm going to be making a big feast and can't wait to have everyone there for baby's first Easter!